Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Anger Management You Dick!

Me and the chillun' were drivin down Rio Nada Ave. towards Central when we stopped in the line up for a left turn onto Central. There's a double yellow line there where people coming the other way on Rio Nada try to turn left into the Rio Nada Plaza. It's an illegal turn cause of the double yellow line. So I pull snugly up to the car in front of me and, in doing so, block an illegal left-hand turner from committing an illegal turn into the Plaza.

And the fat fuck flips me off after making many arm waving "What's he doin'?" gestures.

I mimed to the tub and his tub wife that it was a double yellow line and therefore an illegal turn. I was a theatre major, so I am quite sure my miming was artistically and communicatively clear and evocative.

So he flipped me off.

I rolled down my window, hung my upper torso out said window and showed him how a trained mime would flip the bird. I then pointed out the double yellow line and explained once again, this time in my booming trained theatre voice, that it was illegal.

He pulled up along side me, rolled down his window and said "Up your ass!"

I recited a line I remembered from a David Mamet play, "Fuck You!"

"Up your ass!" once again and right on cue, he warbled.

"Bite me!" I Mameted back.

And the light turned green and I rolled on down the road.

For a moment, just one brief moment, I thought he might have been a theatre major.

His subtext was spot on.

2 Comments:

Blogger Brother Atom Bomb of Reflection said...

You let pass a golden opportunity. What you should have said to him at the end was "Why don't you go suck a bag of dicks!"

6:01 PM  
Blogger Donita Smith said...

Ok, you almost made Crystal Lite shoot out my nose.

Bill, did you know that if you let someone make an illegal turn you're not actually at fault? So, you could have left him some space to make his turn and avoided a spike in blood pressure for both of you.

Of course, if you had we wouldn't be reading this delightfully vivid story. And I now would not be thinking about some dude sucking a bag of dicks.

11:01 PM  

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